There is nothing I want more than for my roommate's phone to burn in hell.

The number of times I said, "blam!" "kapow!" "fwoosh!" "vroom" "splat!" "bow!" "bam!" during Organic Chemistry today exceeded normal estimates. In fact, right at the moments I was about to pass out from intense fits of boredom, I would recite them quickly and with as much intensity as my boredom to keep me concious.

Things I love include: recognizing bits of corn in vomit spewed on the floor just outside the elevator, seeing small pretty dead birds randomly on the stairs, and observing a flattened rodent that clearly got hit by a bus.

Penguins can't fly because they're very lazy and drink too much beer.

When I am elected President, (not because I'm running, but just because I got elected) class times will be changed from 8am to 8pm, 11am to 11pm and so on, to assist my fellow nocturnal compadres, and to give the royal 'fuck you' to cheery preps who like to wake up at 7am and go to bed early.

I saw a girl on the bus repeatedly swirling her apple in caramel. First I thought, "from now on, caramel will be referred to as 'caramel sauce'." Then I thought, "caramel apples are the perfect breakfast treat, because they have the outside crunchy sweetened deliciousness of caramel on the outside, and the nutritiousness of apple on the inside. They also have all the convenience of being food on a stick." That's when I grabbed that poor girls apple and made her watch me eat it as my eyes glazed over with ill-bent pleasure.

Then I punched her in the face.

And she exploded.