Wednesday, April 19

Small Thoughts

-I don't have enough panda blood in me.

this is what panda blood looks like:







-my dog is old

-I'm going to Vermont tomorrow to see Neal and Caitlin on my bike. I should probably look up directions. Or pack something.

-I don't have HIV because I'm genetically superior to Africans.

-I am a coward. Like the dog, Courage. But I am not a cartoon. Or a dog.

-I hate Snoop Dogg. Eminem and Ludacris is where it's at. Also, Dr. Dre.

-Children's songs make a great addition to any music compilation. I have a playlist that it is physically impossible to listen to without laughing. I created it and I think it shows what I'm all about. I love it!

-Some children's show characters--like Elmo, Barney, and the teletubbies--stir up much more hatred than joy. Others, like Big Bird or Cookie monster, are all about pure joy.

-Today, I was a lumberjack. I sang myself a lumberjack tune I made up. It goes like this:

I am a lumberjack!
Hear me roar!
Chop Chop Chop!
Chop to the floor!
Split you bastard
do what I say!
I chop this wood till I'm old
or gray!

Lumberjacks! Lumberjacks!
with pancakes for breakfast
Everyone likes a lumberjack!
and pancakes for lunch!

Roar Roar Roar!
Lumberjack power!
I've been splitting wood
For over an hour!

Fuck this shit
this wood is dumb!
Where's my oxen
when you need 'em?

-Muscles beat out fiestiness any day of the week.

-Except Thursdays.

-I want to build myself a Wheel of Adjectives. When I get an apartment, I will hang it on my wall. It will include words like: super, awesome, extreme, mega-sick, ultra-cool, fabulous, fantastic, supreme, orgasmic, and dumb.

-Kazoos suck.

-I'm always in search of food. Foodstores are my hidden enemy.

-A boolay boolay boolay!!!!

-I enjoy the Dunkin Donuts commercial that insinuates donuts promote hard work and better efficiency. Because clearly, they do the opposite. If I was a donut, that's what I'd do.

-I also saw Scrubs and Teachers today. They fit my style and I enjoy them greatly.

-My family is strange but still boring. If I didn't have to know them, I would choose not to. Also, all my cousins are 5-10 years older than me, and the only one younger is 9 years younger. Also, all of my cousins are female, my aunts are way too talky, and my uncles are too serious. Consequently, the people they associate with also suck. I bring this up because I was forcibly attending a "Lilac Party" today. Yes. It was called that. There wasn't a face in the room that didn't need a good uppercutting. The food was good though.

-PT-141, "For the couple who has been together a long time and has just let sex fall by the wayside as a natural consequence of the stresses of life, this could be a good way to get it back in the relationship," he said. I think inhaling your sex drive is a good step towards the roboticizing of humans. Hooray for robots!

-Seriously, what the hell. If they come out with a product to fix every genetic fallibility of humans, how am I supposed to stay superior? Anti-aging creams, hairloss products, hair dyes, Viagra, Valtrex...the list goes on. Pretty soon, diseased, balding old people will be as good at sex as ME and I cannot let this happen!

-I should go to bed.

2 Comments:

Blogger bodhi undoubtedly said...

you crack me up! thanks for the much needed humor!

12:58 AM  
Blogger JR undoubtedly said...

I am not going to be mean to you even though you made me feel bad for like, 5 minuts this morning. Instead I will just say.... I enjoy myself a good Snoop Dogg

10:56 AM  

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In the year 2006 I resolve to:
Blame Canada.