Sunday, February 19

I'm happy. Happy and hungry, but first: happy.

I'm happy because I had a "philosophical" argument with a little girl and won. Also, I beat her in a staring contest (cheating or no, I still won). I am an uber champion.

Today, I felt like Calvin's dad. I told children of ages 7 and 9 things that are not true. Example:

They wanted to go hiking in 10 degree weather and I did not. I told them I was afraid of the bears. Disregarding that they hibernate, I gave them my tips for fighting off a bear, as I have done many times. Then, I moved on to coyote's (disregarding that they're nocturnal). The thing about coyotes is that they have low self esteem. If a coyote approaches you, you want to make fun of it and make it feel like it does not fit in. If you do this, it will go away and later cry into the night.

These particular children were fun because I could beat them in everything. Unlike, bigger, smarter children, this variety could not beat me in wrestling, football, singing, knowledge of facts, dishwashing, or boxing (I box children like a pro). Also, they believe stuff you tell thim simply on the basis that you're bigger than them. I told these children I was 30 and they weren't sure. I told them what year I was born, and still...uncertainty about this 30. I particularly liked when the girl of nine got a piece of paper and wrote 1986 and 2006 and proceeded to add them. (If you are unsure, you're supposed to subtract to get the approximate age.)

My favorite quote was "your head is filled with nonsense. Nothing but nonsense. You're weird and you don't make any sense." or possibly (upon elaberately explaining the existence of Fahrenheit, Celsius, and Kelvin scales) "Huh? What's...Celsius?" in the most puzzled disbelief I've ever seen.

Children are impressionable, and I enjoy both toying with their feeble minds and exercising my superiority in games and challenges of all types.

I got to thinking...

When you lose a limb or digit through amputation, it still feels like it's there. The brain doesn't recognize that there has been an amputation. The feels-like-it's-still-there amputated finger or whatever, is called a phantom.

What would happen if a laid back guy had his pointer finger removed? He might go on giving people the finger, when all he wants is to show peace.

I thought this was cool, but probably only because I'm a pro-gamer. Lil poison is seriously the cutest kid, and he plays Halo2. Kid, you had me at "Halo." I went down and saw him in Philly last summer and he really is rockin' solid, one of the best in the world, not to mention he went pro at age five. He's a genius for his age. There's some controversy over him playing, being young and competitive and playing an NC-17 game, but I think he's fine.

Anyways, keep up the pace.


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In the year 2006 I resolve to:
Blame Canada.