Monday, February 13

W00t! Blogger has been down for me, maybe not for anyone else, but for me. I blame Dan Rather and possibly Peter Jennings.

So the big deal of the now is Valentine's Day, or as Elyse calls it: Singles Awareness Day. Yes, that's more important than the Winter Olympics. You have to look at the big picture: in 1000 years, global warming will have melted all the snow and ice and there will be no surface for which to base these sports. Sure, maybe ice rinks will be replaced with teflon, but this will cost a lot and it takes away from the essense of the sports--being cold. Watching the Winter Olympics wouldn't be half as satisfying if deep within me wasn't the knowledge that of those thousands of athletes and spectators, a lot of them are probably really cold. And that brings me joy as I sit with a blanket and pj's on, eating my Captain Crunch with berries or juggling honey packets. I can only assume that goes for you too.

But Valentine's Day--what's that all about? I wrote a piece on it last year regarding the history of it. Basically, I was bitter we didn't get school off for it, but that's not an issue for me this time. A recent poll from "Do you have someone to spend Valentine's with" found that 51% were partner deficient and at least 10% were in denial. So, if you're single like me, remember there's safety in numbers. Just because nobody will be buying you chocolates doesn't mean you don't deserve them. Go and buy some anyway. I did. Or, try organizing a rally. Maybe you can make tomorrow's headlines. Rallys are pretty cool and I'll Dragon punch anyone who thinks otherwise.

My enter key isn't working suddenly so this is going to be a big paragraph. nvmd. Speaking of sudden occurances, I aim to make the word "sudd" a word. I think it would fare well. Maybe it could be a relative of suds: those bubbly bits in your favorite beverages. The other word that should definitely become a "real" word (real meaning it's in the dictionary) is "noob." This word is universal in the gaming community as someone who is new/bad. On an English test, a foreign student put the word noob as the opposite of "pro" (instead of "con"). I vouche for this as a correct answer. I hope to see the day when people can call freshman noobs. That would be awesome. Anyway, I think I've made several punctuation errors and I don't know how to fix them. Maybe I'll submit them to Mr. Moore and have him correct them. Or maybe if there someone smart out there who noticed what I did wrong can tell me. That'd be cool. I need to take more Engrish classes so I can learn good. Peace and Merry Valentine's.

Oh, and if you are in dire need of ideas on what to do while single on Valentine's, I decided to make a list to help you out:

1.) Call up some of your other single friends and stand united in defiance of those who are trying to be happier than you.
2.) Go shopping and buy yourself things. Just because someone else won't be buying you valentine's gifts doesn't mean you shouldn't get them.
3.) Prank call your dating friends at around dinner time while they're out trying to have candle lit dinners.
4.) Try online dating to fix your situation.
5.) If you get responses, waste no time in rejecting them, so they too feel the icy hand of rejection. Remember, you're not trying to find an actual date: that's hard. You're just trying to make it through the day.
6.) Piss and moan all day. If you can't have a good time, make sure nobody else does either.
7.) Play video games all day. Life is still a poor substitute for video games.

Actually, I'm being sarcastic. This day needs to be ignored, but if someone thinks it's special, don't spoil their party. If this post seems Maddoxy, it's not because I'm actually bitter, it's because I'm bored and have to fabricate my own opinions about complex topics like Valentine's Day and the Winter Olympic games. Really, and this is fo' real, I'm only filled with a positive energy and bubbly perspective on life. It's like I'm a freshly opened bottle of sparkling grape juice: no one ever sees me and goes, "Crap. It's that sparkling grape juice." It's always optimistic like, "Hey! there's some sparkling grape juice. Maybe I should go and try some! I would enjoy the feeling of thousands of carbonated bubbles in my esophagus! And the grape taste is sweet and full of citric acid." Stay chipper, amigos!!!


Anonymous Elyse undoubtedly said...

When did I ever call it Singles' Awareness Day?? lol...I don't seem to remember such a thing unless you're friends with another Elyse...

11:30 PM  

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In the year 2006 I resolve to:
Blame Canada.