Monday, January 30

It's tough being a Pirate these days.

Q: Your super power is that you smell like dandelions whenever someone lies. How do you conceal your secret identity?
A: I'd kill myself for smelling like dandelions all day long.

Eating soap so that you can blow bubbles with your spit, though it may seem like a good idea in your head, is not as good as it sounds.

It should be a law that drinking is legal in New York State for all ages so I don't have to go to Canada to drink legally. Even though I very rarely drink, I support this because it would make all the other states jealous.

I also think that Lady Liberty should be holding a large cold Killian's or Corona instead of a torch. Beer is welcoming whereas torches are for a warning, as in: "Stay back! Back, I say!" Or is that the real message we're trying to give?

I decided today that speed limits aught to be changed on a day to day basis according to the weather and conditions. 30 mph is totally unnecessary when there are no people walking and the streets are clear. I like to follow the rule of thumb of multiplying all speed "limits" 1.5 times. My physics teacher once told us his brother would sometimes double all the speed limits around corners, but I'm into safety. Also, running over children under the age of five should not have a penalty.

1.) They should have been watched closer by their guardian (parents and such).
2.) They are stupid and whine and cry for no reason.
3.) Their parents are still young and have time to replace him/her with another kid.

I know you want to learn facts about Chuck Norris so badly it hurts!!

Some people have said my mom looks Chinese, but I think that's just because she's short and has black hair. And I guess she squints her eyes sometimes. And she has a Chinese accent.


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In the year 2006 I resolve to:
Blame Canada.