Thursday, May 4

Top Reasons I am Awesome:1.) Because2.) Shut up3.) I don't have to explain myself to you.So, I was at Alfred from Friday to Tuesday. It was hot dog weekend so drinking was prominent throughout the community. I didn't have much to drink though, not that people believed me. I remained sober so as to pick on drunks. AJ didn't have a cigarette so he wanted to fight someone. I was like, "Okay, let's go." After I beat his ass the first two rounds he became very apologetic for "underestimating" me, yet grew internally angry. I was slightly afraid of how pissed off he was that I was kicking his ass. Round three was actually close, but I decided to tap out when he got ahold of my neck and told me he could break it. I didn't know we were going all out, wtf? I was fighting so as to not cause death, just pain. Whatever. In the end, he complained for the rest of the night because he had rug burns all over him from head to toe and some bruises, while I went unscathed. I am always underestimated. In the end, it was too tiring to continue so we celebrated with waffles and beer.Josh and Dustin's friend Jeremiah (Jerry) came up too. He's an amazing musician and a good guy so that was fun. He played his guitar, god-like, but he also is proficient at drums, piano and the trumpet. It was sweet just chilling in their apartment having him perform for us any song we wanted. It was our own little concert for free. Jerry is seriously great. And when I say great, I mean awesome.Josh ended up having a terrible weekend. The following is an unbiased explanation:The girl he's been pursuing for the last six months kept giving him I-don't-knows to his askings out, then just started dating his friend (we'll call him Fucktard) Friday. What a slap. I don't know if it's the indirectness or what that's most bothersome. If she had said, "I'm never going to date you" plainly, that would be fine. But leading someone on blows. Then there's the fact that Fucktard totally ignored Josh when he clearly knew Josh's feelings for her... Inconsiderate, bastardly, required beat-down material. The week before Josh had asked kindly if there was anything going on between those two to Fucktard, and Fucktard flipped out (now we know Josh's worries were justified). Then there's the fact that said girl's brother is Josh's best friend. The night they hooked up, her brother almost had to get hospitalized for overdrinking and the whole time Josh stayed at the apartment to look after him. Josh is a good guy: he means well and he'll take a bullet for you. It would be nice to know that the good guy got the girl for once. I think it has to do with being less aggressive. To get a girl, being their friend doesn't work. Girls are too dumb and they never consider dating you seriously. You have to be direct and forward, and you can't worry about stepping on other guys's toes to win her. Fuck that. (Mind you, my advice on how to get girls shouldn't be taken seriously as it has not been personally tested, but I still have my theories.)Everyone in that apartment has had a horrible year relationship-wise. It's drama. It's heartache. It's depression-inducing. It almost makes me feel good that I've avoided relationships. Even the few times I do get involved, it comes back to fuck with me.So one night, freshman year, I made out with some attractive girl visiting for the day. She wanted to have done more(me), but I didn't want a one-night-stand deal, so it ended at making out. I don't really know how I made it happen, but I suspect that my utter lack of sleep was responsible. Lack of sleep causes you to act drunk/not be your normal self. Said girl was here last weekend. Awkward moments like that suck. Except it wasn't too awkward, because she is a total horndog so she spent all her time trying to get various people to sleep with her, instead of talking to me. Should I mention that she is married and has a one-year-old and she's 18? Sure! That's a fun fact!I lost my motorcycle key. That was neat. I was stranded there an extra two days. Luckily, my dad had the key number so it was easy to make a new one. Were it not for that, I would still be in Alfred to this very day.The weekend was good. Not overwhelming, but good. I enjoy seeing my friends. The group really isn't the same without Bob, Derek and Christian. Mark and Nick live across campus. So the apartment is now Josh, Brian, Dustin, Dave, James and Killian. Honestly, it's just nowhere near as fun at Alfred as it once was, with Bob, Derek, Brian, Mark, Nick, Dustin, and Christian at Tefft.======================================================================================I'm tired.I'm supposedly driving my bike up the 7.5 hr drive to Vermont tomorrow. It's going to be cold, a long drive, and sucky. 7.5 hrs is way too long on a bike. My thoughts drive me crazy. I don't like to be stuck forced by myself for extended periods of time. I need music. In a car, it's totally different because it's relaxing, easy, and musically jammin'. On a bike it's windy, loud, and tiring. I mean, I'm all for riding on a warm, sunny day--but long road trips in the cold suck ass. The fact that I'm tired now and unexcited about going doesn't help either. I should be excited. Neal is as fun a person as anyone I know, but I'm not. It makes me feel bad inside. And I'll only see Caitlin for a day.Seriously, what the hellish waste am I doing? What I really want is to just sleep in tomorrow and relax, but there's a time pressure because Caitlin leaves Thursday and pretty soon school's over anyway. This would be far more rewarding if at the end of the road trip there was a cash prize. But I'm pretty sure there isn't. This only furthers my depression. I'm masochistic for my friends.=================================I think my self-esteem is bipolar. Sometimes, like now, I don't feel like I'm interesting at all and I don't understand why people are happy. Usually I repress this side and don't show it to anyone. I'd doubt if anyone knew how I was. One time I thought about buying "The Power of Positive Thinking," but then I thought, "what the hell good will that do?" Other times I'm hyper and giddy and silly and love being me and love other people. It's things like this that convince me my brain chemistry is retarded. Or maybe there's a shrunken leprechaun controlling my brain and he just likes to fuck with me. It should be one or the other. Not both.I'm fucking tired. Fuck this. I hope I feel better in the morning.As always, leave a comment if you like Ding-dongs,~Peace


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In the year 2006 I resolve to:
Blame Canada.