Monday, November 28

Fragrances that wouldn't sell but have cool names:
Essence of Man
Wisp of Lumber Jack
Mysterious Aroma of Egypt
Trapt Tingling Sensation
Essence of Pain!
Mindnumbing Madness
No Escape (for the ladies)
Commando Dragon Breath
Captain's Dank Fish Tank
Essence of Casey's Fantastic Doo-doo Butter?

why oh why?
BRISBANE, Australia (AP) -- A French woman who is terrified of flying admitted in an Australian court Monday that she drunkenly tried to open an airplane door mid-flight to smoke a cigarette.

And slowly, the sheep turned to each other and glared silently.

"When I get my kids, I won't baby talk them. I'm gunna have them learn English the right way."--Neal is always quotable

let it be known that your dog isn't this ugly

again with the Santa Claus from Dennis Leary:
"Some fat guy comes to your house bringing toys he and his helpers made just for you? And all he asks for in return is some cookies and a glass of milk? He sees you when you're sleeping and he knows when you're awake..." sounds like petifile to me. No wonder he's so jolly.

As she spoke he whirled the egg beater around and yelled "EGG BEATER!"

Two men are walking down the street...
I forget the punch-line, but your mother's a whore.

Picture time!!

This guy makes it too easy.

Real Inventions from Real People!!

Here's what they had to say:
Hey, are you tired of leaving your small pets at home when you are out and about? Could you use a little more quality time with your gerbils, mice, hamsters or snakes? Well now your dreams have come true with the Gerbil Shirt! The Gerbil Shirt wraps your torso in plastic tube passageways, making your bod a super highway of fun for Binky and Bart. The interior surfaces are textured for traction and have air vents for easy breathing.
The inventor suggests you can clean the Gerbil Shirt by attaching it to a faucet (remove pets first please), and you should avoid collisions and falls that could cause pet panic. We give two thumbs up to this living fashion accessory and we can't wait to see the toy poodle version.

Aren't hamsters squishy??

Protect Your Bananas!!! Introducting the Banana Suitcase

Aren't you sick of carrying a banana around with you and when it's time to eat it it's all mushy? Forget lunchboxes. Your banana deserves all the special treatment it can get. Remember how it's the food of choice of monkeys? They know how good an unbruised banana can be. To operate, merely stuff your small or large banana to conform with the proper curvature and size of the case. Once it is properly fitted in the tight case, merely put the case in with your lunchbox and have it safe from the damage your Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches can deliver.

I wish I had the talent to think up one of these:Ever get sick of getting rained on at the big game? Ever wish you had a flat tray on your lap for your soft drinks? Ever wish you could look like a paper bag? Wish no more. Look how diabolical this guy looks zippered inside his bag. He's so freaking content. He knows what it takes to be a fashion statement, and he's out to show the world what a great product he just bought. I'm not sure how this thing packs up, so just be ready to walk into the stadium wearing this thing, so when the rain begins and everyone else is absorbing the water (ahhh!! water!!) with their skin, you can rest content that most of you is dry, except for your arms and legs. Ahh, another fine investment.

If I ever had a weight problem, I would control it with this...

The Anti-Eating Mouth Cage!!

Ever feel the need to eat anything and everything around you? The Anti-Eating Face Cage is a brand new way that will change the way you deal with the world. Using Ventilation Technology, you can still breath through your mouth and talk, just not sneak food in your mouth. And even if you want to eat, the lock prevents you from any second thoughts. Just don't lose the key!

Jokes flow freely when pictures are like this. If you want to make your own caption, go to Learn which of your ideas have already been taken so you don't waste your time!


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In the year 2006 I resolve to:
Blame Canada.