Sunday, November 27

Well...I'm back. I had a Thankgiving break and it was fun. I saw Neal a couple times which is always fun, and I went to a party with Keith and Blong. Turkey day was at my house with my mom, dad, half-sister and her two mini-kids of ages nine years or less. The food was good, but how interesting can it be when I'm surrounded by two people in their late 50s, a thirty year old single mom and two hyper children? I did my best.

Now for a section entitled:

From What I Remember...

There's a reason girls are cold. It's so they can cuddle with guys for warmth. I was woken up to some girl saying, "I'm freezing," to herself apparently. It was cold in that room, about 50 degrees, and my drunken warmth jacket was wearing off. I was about to explain, "hey Dumb Bitch, it's your own fault if you're cold b/c there's three guys within three feet of you laying there, solitary, your personal body heater, when I opened my eyes and it was not Dumb Bitch, but Ugly Bitch. She had tagged along with her friends nice bitch and dumb bitch to this gathering. I call them bitch because dumb bitch was with some rich dumb brat character, and I don't remember their names. She was hopping around on everybody's lap before he showed up, like a quarter whore, until this kid came in exclaiming, "I have $1000 rims on each of my tires!" and she began making out with him. It's a shame because she was the hottest one.

I kept waking up at the slightest sound. One of the better moments was when everyone was asleep and Dennis walked to the bathroom, looked in the room and said "I hate you Keith." I couldn't help but chuckle because Keith was laying with this other really hot girl Dennis had clearly liked for good reason, for she's both really pretty and non-slutty, an almost unheard of combination, and she's nice and smart...anyway....

It's no secret I got mega-ultra drunk, but it's fun. Everybody pays you attention and escorts you places for free. I kept getting lead to this one room early on in the night. I'd wait 'till they left then wander back out mumbling proclamations like, "shhh...I escaped!!"This happened at least four or five times. They never learn. I'd just be like, leaning against the fridge, and three people would assault me like the Governmental people vs. ET, and take me to a matress with a bucket (my Bucket of Awesome/love bucket). For some reason, even though I wasn't being loud of obnoxious or anything, lots of people thought it was a great idea to repeatedly lead me away and tell me to go to sleep (nice bitch in particular). Somehow the fact that I was just going to get right back up as soon as she left wasn't sinking in. At one point she said, "promise me you won't get up again" to which I said, "you know I can't be trusted when I'm like this" and she didn't care. We shook pinkies, she left, and I followed a minute later. Several times during the night I remember people saying, "how is he still standing??" I never cease to amaze people.

My vision was really bad. I couldn't read things and I was happy. I learned it's fun to not be able to read. I couldn't make out faces. It really wasn't my fault because there were so many. I'd sometimes guess for a while, and when I got it right, I would exclaim it victoriously: "Joe? Joey. Jeff...Jason!!" Everything became a guessing game of faces, which happens to be a very fun game. At one point I said, "isn't your name Alison?" to some girl talking to me and she said, "yes! wow, I'm really impressed you know my name." I was too. It was perhaps my proudest moment in life.

There were lots of people making out that otherwise would never have been making out. Alcohol leads to the almost certain scenario of some nice girl helping you walk. When I had just finished my last drink of the night, I recall sarah saying, "are you alright?" Me: "yes, I'm fine, I'm just chillin." then I sat on the bench, realized this wasn't as comfortable as possible, so I layed down on the basement floor. Who knew it could be so comfortable? Brian came downstairs, (he later told me it was to proudly announce he was on number nine because we were one for one-ing each other) and found me on the ground and he was like, "well so much for that contest." They tried escorting me away and I said, "jussst because I'm lying onnn the ground doessn't mean I'm drunkk." Brian's retort: "oh I'm sorry, I thought that was exactly what that meant." Damn you Brian and your wittiness! Then I made some comment like, "wowww. walking is wayy easier when there are two people helping you."

Alls I know is people like me and my odd comments when I'm drunk and I have a good time, so everybody wins (my brain, you don't count). Alcohol is the best drug out there. I was eating asbestos earlier that day in my house, and not ONE girl started talking to me. I'd never been into alcohol, I was always the person scorning those that drank in high school, envious of their popularity but I've found it's easier to join them than fight them. This was only my fifth time drinking this year, and thus ever, so I think I'm not over doing it. In my book, it's totally okay to get smashed every once in a while. This concludes my session of "From What I Remember."

4 Comments:

Blogger Casey undoubtedly said...

I didn't even fill up my Bucket of Awesome!! In the morning it was empty! I'm such a success story. When I turned it upside down, stuff didn't pour out. For a noob, I did good.

11:16 PM  
Anonymous keith undoubtedly said...

Unfortunatly, as much as i would love for your story to be correct, and have dennis being mad at me for being w/ a hot girl, he wasnt mad at me for that...

11:17 PM  
Anonymous Elyse undoubtedly said...

Casey, you guys were home and never tried to hang out? This saddens me since I haven't seen you in a long time. I'm sorry to hear you think you need to drink to fit in. Perhaps someday you'll understand that you're a great guy without altering yourself...hmm...anyway, I'm done lecturing. Hope school is going ok and maybe you'll want to hang out over Christmas.

2:15 AM  
Blogger Casey undoubtedly said...

Huh? We were home and we did hang out. And of course I need to drink to fit in. Anyone who's ever had fire juice understands it makes great men greater. Someday. By the way, I just saw a girl pee her pants on a date, got rejected, and the other girls gave her a high five. Isn't that weird?

8:56 PM  

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In the year 2006 I resolve to:
Blame Canada.