Monday, March 13

I am not wise for I am far too young, but I do think more frequently than the average hamster. Maybe when I'm 60 I'll be able to dish out advice like attitude adjustments from Hulk Hogan. Until then, here are some common sense thoughts I've come up with and for you to think about:

1.)Wealthy people are polite because they're rich.

2.)People lie because they don't like the truth.

3.)If you're looking for something, it's easier to find it.

4.)Bean curd pie is delicious!! Actually, it's awful. I just said that so some totally ADD person would stop midsentence, bake himself a bean curd pie and eat it.

5.)When you forget you're looking for something, you're surprised when you find it.

6.)Happiness comes in ounces; pain comes in pounds.

7.)Look at yourself in the mirror often to make sure you are who you think you are, because sometimes you aren't.

8.)Sometimes it's not good to walk a mile in someone's shoes: I did that once and I totally destroyed a midget's shoes.

9.)Once, a guy created a cream called "Anti-bitch cream." However, it failed to reach market because the man's wife started yelling at him.

10.)If you strap a laser to the front of your car, you can aim better at the people you are running over.

11.)Whenever you start thinking you're high and mighty, just remember you started off as a squirt. All it takes to end you is a squirt...of hydrochloric acid.

12.)The key to understanding a person is to understand their memories.

13.)Have you ever tried to rank yourself, and things around you, as part of the world's population?

14.)Bright clear skies are most deceiving. Some exist merely for shock value.

15.)People thrive on routines in life because routines comfort us.

16.)Good looks are too often wasted on ugly people.

17.)Daytime TV is incentive to get a job. Or to get cable.

18.)The real world is a figment of our lack of imagination.

19.)If you're unhappy, the good news is you can always change your mind.

20.)Exercise would appeal to us more if we were crippled.

21.)The path less traveled is usually chosen when lost.

22.)A penny saved is a penny...who cares about pennies these days? But, I think the old phrase was something like: a penny saved is a penny you don't have to earn.

23.)If you think the world makes sense, consider this: we need a license to fish, but any old schmuck can have a baby.

24.)Don't put off 'till later what you can put off 'till much later.

25.)The British are a ridiculous race of which there are no winners.

26.)Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting because hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

27.)Sometimes there is nothing so funny as a joke. If you are the joke, at least you're funny. If you are the joke because you take yourself too seriously, being conceited is being topical.

comments are always welcome like rich men to a strip club,
~Peace

P.S.
bean. curd. pie?? Seriously. WTF?!

1 Comments:

Blogger Kate undoubtedly said...

Things I agree with:
12.)The key to understanding a person is to understand their memories.
16.)Good looks are too often wasted on ugly people.
20.)Exercise would appeal to us more if we were crippled.
8.)Sometimes it's not good to walk a mile in someone's shoes: I did that once and I totally destroyed a midget's shoes.

2:57 PM  

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In the year 2006 I resolve to:
Blame Canada.