Thursday, November 10

I tell this bedtime tale in response to Keith's request, following his guidelines. Enjoy!

Okay. So here's how it all went down, right? In the begining, there was a special young boy named Harry Gay. Harry's parents were gardeners, and his favorite task was putting the plants in pots. When he turned 18 years, he gave up his last name, because he never liked it very much, and changed it to Potter. Harry went to the Hogwarts School of Magic/Wizardry up until then, and he had become the most powerful wizard around. He could snap his wand and fight off ghosts, or ride the fastest broom around. One or the other.

One day, the Power Rangers were putting on a show in his town. He had always watched the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers, the TV show, and admired how they fought off aliens and evil robots, by transforming into an even BIGGER robot. He also liked the pink power ranger. So, he bought tickets to go see their tour and hopefully get a chance to meet his TV heroes. He took his Victoria Secret model girlfriend, Whoreminee, with him. He had known her since his boyhood days, but now she was finally legal and had turned out mega awesome, much to his delight. Now you can go to Reuters or CNN.com and read an article about how Harry Potter is supposedly a gay character, but really he just told his parents that so they wouldn't suspect anything, so he could take her wherever he chose.

So, Harry and Whoreminee were awestruck when the performance began. The Power Rangers kicked ASS!! They were so much better to see live than on TV. When I mean it was live, I mean, they were still filming the show, and the monsters showed up and there was destruction on a massive scale. Buildings were flattened, the crowd had to play the part of frightened people fleeing from certain death and so on. However, this particular demon could fly and it had teamed up with ghosts! The show got out of control and the massive robot the Power Rangers morphed into couldn't fight the ghosts, because it was in a different plane and it was all magical. Mechanical destruction can't touch magical. Soon, the crowd realized what was going on. Whore said, "Harry! They need your help!" So he busted out a wand, said "abra cadabra" and banished the evil ghosts to the nearest Pearl Jam concert.

The crowd was super happy that the ghosts were gone, but because it had gotten out of control, most of them had died. Really, the only people left were the manager of the Rangers, some cameramen, Harry, Whore, and the Rangers themselves.

The Rangers went to congratulate Harry on saving the day, and he bowed, had his picture taken with them and left.

Harry was driving back home for his curfew, when Whore busted out a fat ounce of weed and said in her irresistable voice, "let's smoke it!" like she always did. So he responsibly pulled over the car and they began smoking the grass. It was really powerful stuff. After a while, Whore got the great idea to turn a piece of Dentyne Ice she was chewing into acid. Harry reached for his wand and it was gone! The Power Rangers must have stolen it!

Harry was fuming! Without his wand, he couldn't do anything fun! He dropped his bitch off, sayin, "I don't want to get you hurt, my love" and drove back to the Power Rangers' trailer. He walked in while they were ganging up on the Pink Cheerleader, I mean Power Ranger.

"I know what you did! Give it back!"

They tried to play dumb. "What wand? We didn't take your wand!" But it wasn't working. Harry was used to being bullied. He grabbed a pencil as a makeshift wand, and began charging up for a Hadoken Blast.

Just then, the Pink Power Ranger changed the channel to Barney and Friends. It was no coincidence that Barney was on, because it was the Barney channel, nothing but Barney all the time. Harry was immediately distracted. He put down his pencil and sat Indian style on the ground in front of the tube, shut off from conciousness. That's when the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers put two and two together and realized Barney was his weakness.

Harry soon got the munchies and wandered down to the store. After eating his fill, he remembered his wand had been taken, and stormed back. In a fury, he put the pedal to the floor, intent on driving his Mercedes through the Rangers' trailer altogether.

Having planned for this, the Rangers summoned Barney using Harry's wand. Like magic, Giant Barney appeared right in front of the trailer! Harry couldn't hurt fat Barney! Barney was gentle! He went to swerve, but Barney was so big, he ran out of gas.

Now he was in the middle of the desert with no gas and no magic wand to help him, right next to Barney's blubber. Worse, the effects of the Mary Jane were wearing off.


The Power Rangers observed Harry through their magical looking glass sphere that they like to look through (if you've ever seen the show), and located his exact position. Then they used the power of the wand to hypnotize Barney into thinking Harry was a snack. Barney looked over his belly, reached down, picked him up and held him high, about to eat him. Oh no! Could this be the end?

That's when Johnny Depp came in and killed everyone, exlaiming, "my movies RULE!!" (so yes, it was the end)



3 Comments:

Anonymous keith undoubtedly said...

hahah, great.. i'll have more for you later... probably something about mushroom eating badgers that are trying to kill all humans and big machines that hate sex....

12:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous undoubtedly said...

awesome. keep up the good work casey!

3:07 PM  
Anonymous Carrie undoubtedly said...

I fucking love you! How do you come up with this stuff? I must have you write me a story!

1:03 AM  

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In the year 2006 I resolve to:
Blame Canada.