Tuesday, November 8

This post about hair will be a waste of your time, but not a waste of mine. This is possible because the only other use of my time would be spent studying for the test I woke up early for to study. Instead, I've managed to avoid it. Some would call this procrastinating. This post was actually supposed to be about procrastination, but "meh, it can wait."

[This guy realizes he has no hair.]

My beef is with hair replacement products. Now, people get old and bald, but then just spend some money to have normal hair again. I say, "this is bullshit."

The people going bald are the people with thin hair. I, on the other hand, have very thick hair, meaning that I will never go bald in the same way that relatives before me never did. But people with thin hair look cooler. That's a straight up fact. Or, if someone has thick hair, it looks good curly. But I don't have that, either. Thin hair is so luxurious and flowing and shiny. I'm thinking of all the rockstars and celebrities on magazines. I could do some research and list names and read up on this subject, but I'm not going to complicate things by bringing facts into this.

I say, if people can go through life with thin hair, them going bald is just god's way of saying, "that's it, you've had enough time looking good, so you're going bald now. Time for those with hair forcing them to live in the shadows to come out in their old age and claim all the women left over." Granted, women don't flock to men simply because of their hair necessarily, but I'm sure it happens nonetheless. So now people are just neglecting god's plans by going out and buying products or getting surgery or whatever. Let me make it clear that this is the devil's work. True, I'm only bringing god into this to support my argument, speaking for him and making up stuff, but that's what any good Christian would do.

Whatever happened to wigs? I never had a problem with them. They were worn by the most powerful people around, and nobody questioned them. Then there's baseball caps and other type hats. And I don't even have a problem with toupets! They're kind of like hair, but in socially hilarious times, they come off somehow, much to the delight of everyone else. Little John in Robin Hood was balding, but that didn't stop him from kicking ass with his staff! If I ever go bald, I will wear a powdered wig, and I will look awesome doing it. All I ask is everyone else do the same.

Starting with him--->

This guy is the man to bring back the wigs for bald people. He understands what it was to be George Washington, or the Quaker Oats guy.


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In the year 2006 I resolve to:
Blame Canada.