The following is a paid presentation from dead baby fans. These are some of my favorites.


How do you know when a baby is a dead baby?
The dog plays with it more.

How do you make a dead baby float?
Take your foot off of it's head.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.

What do you call a baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?
Fucked.

Why do you stick a baby in the blender feet first?
So you can see the expression on its face!

How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles?
Nail its other hand to the floor.

What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?
Art.

How many babies does it take to paint a house?
Depends how hard you throw them.

How do you get 100 babies into a bucket?
With a blender!

How do you get them out again?
With tortilla chips!!!

What's more fun than strapping a baby to a clothesline and then spinning it around at 200km/h?
Stopping it with a shovel.

Why do you unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork?
So you can tell which ones are still alive.

What do vegetarian ogres eat?
Cabbage patch kids.

There are a hundred more if you desire laughing at dead babies.