Saturday, November 12

I'm like the opposite of the American busyman. People who walk fast and wear watches, have day planners and pencil in events for the these people I say, "Woah." I play video games all day, sleep when I want to, and suck at tests. On this last test, there were four multiple choice questions I narrowed down to two (so I had a 50-50 chance), and I missed all of them. Grr. I'm recently battling between whether to write whatever I feel like on here, or whether to just stick to stuff other humans would enjoy. The difference is: if I write minute differences in my life, it's satisfying; if I don't, it's satisfying to the audience. Basically, I'm deciding who's more important--me or you, and I'm not sure.

So, here's a true story about how I bummed out some guy:

I got a message on my cell saying, "Dude, why the hell won't you pick up? I'm gunna call you one more time and you'd better pick up."--I did not recognize the voice, but it was really low (like Barry White, or Darth Vader)

About an hour later I got a call again.

guy: "hey, what's up."
me: "do I know you?"
guy: "yeah, I met you last night at Taco Bell."
me: "umm, no. That wasn't me."
guy: "What? So you're not the guy from the truck?"
me: "Nope"
guy: "That fucker must've given me the wrong number.... So you don't have any acid?"
me: "not for sale."
guy: "lick my nuts, asshole."--click

and a week ago I got a message on my cell like this:

"Hey Steve! It's your cousin Phil, just callin to wish you a happy 18th. I know you thought I was gunna forget to call you but I remembered and here's my proof! ....[bla bla bla]"
-For a moment, I thought I was Steve, and I was happy it was my Birthday. Then I figured it out. Then, I laughed at how Steve did not get his Happy Birthday from Phil.


Something many people don't take into account that humans and monkeys both share is that we both flang poo when we were babies.

From now on, if something is bad, it's like pouring syrup on a cat.
And the cat would deserve it. Fuck cats. They think they're so frickin' great. They don't even enjoy a good swim OR playing teeter totter with me when I jump on the teeter totter.

A beard is nothing but a mask that you wear ALL THE TIME.

Bring back 80's Haircuts!! and colorful clothing and sweaters!!

The monster under my bed doesn't get to visit the doctor.

"Headbutting is probably the manliest thing ever. Not only is it useful for suicide, it's also a great way to break up with your girlfriend. For example, I couldn't find the words to tell my ex that our relationship was over, so one day while we were watching TV I headbutt her in the tits. Then I picked up my jacket and left. No awkward goodbyes, no "still friends" bullshit. Just a couple of bruised titties and a failed relationship. I rule."-Maddox

The following are good or good/amazing:
Drawn Together, South Park, Family Guy, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, The Simpsons, Futurama, standup comedy
-I propose that if I had seven TVs and each show was on a different TV at the same time, my head would explode with anger

The following Websites consume/have consumed my soul:
-8bit theater
-TshirtHell (the emails)


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In the year 2006 I resolve to:
Blame Canada.