Friday, November 11

This article is called COPY AND PASTE stories from realultimatepower because I'm lame and they're my favorites. I'd send the address, but it just sends you to the homepage and you have to navigate until your eyes bleed black and crimson, and I don't think you'd want that.

"In some cave chalk full of hippos, there was this ninja. All the hippos gathered for a story. The ninja began with a warning: "If any hippo here cannot handle this type of crap, I suggest you leave right now." And some actually did. Then he began.

"All right listen. These old children were just goofing around once in a playground: sports and talking and stuff. Nobody wanted any trouble, even the unconfident kids. Well, there was this crackle and everybody looked up. Something shiny. Then this UFO flopped on the soccer field. One kid was like "What the heck?" And then its side door busted open and fog creamed out. The principle freaked out and tripped, spilling his guts on a table. Nobody knew anything about anything. Then there was this rolling sound getting louder and louder and quieter and finally louder. Out of the UFO, popped this giant can. It rolled past the soccer field and hit a pole. By the time they realized it was a keg of beer, the UFO zapped into space. Well guess what, somebody brought a radio and turned it on loud. Then one kid grabbed Dixie cups from her duffle bag. Everybody went berserk in a good way and partied hard. Little was understood that day, but, boy, did those kids party."

The ninja, having scared himself, beat his own ass in a paradoxical way. It was quite confusing for the hippos. But they were mature--they didn’t try to make sense out of non-sense. The hippos moved on, accepting those things they cannot change and surrounded themselves with only positive energy. By not defining what happened that day (or even themselves--their relation to it), they never limited their understanding and they never limited themselves."

And this one's just crazy:

"The King's Gold/Babes

Scene 1:
In the olden days, there was this sweet king that had mounds of gold and babes. These pirates decided to steal the mounds and surrounded the castle and everybody freaked, except the king who was like “Chill homies, I’ll handle this crap.”

The pirates stood outside the castle walls and were like “You think you are so cool, but guess what, you’re not. Good luck dying!” Then the king replied “Yeah right. How would you like to meet my best friends?”

Then out of nowhere there was a small sound of a guitar wailing really really hard behind the hills. The wailing started getting louder and louder and louder. Then out of nowhere there was this one sweet ass ninja standing on top of a huge hill. Everybody was like “Woooooooooooow!” He was wearing all black and he had this jet red guitar in his hands. Then smoke smoked over the hills like trains. But the smoke was ninjas. And the pirates saw about a billion ninjas with guitars standing on top this his huge hill. And they started to wail…

When the ninjas wailed on their guitars, the pirates started spraying diarrhea on each other and loved it. And when they wailed harder, the pirates sprayed harder. As the ninjas sauntered down the hill, the pirates’ chests and butts exploded. (They died from this.) Then the ninjas finally reached the boss pirate who was really huge. Out of nowhere the boss pirate pulled out this baby banjo and tried to fiddle with it like a little baby-baby. The ninjas were like “Yeah right.” and all the billions of ninjas surrounded the boss pirate. Half of the ninjas all combined to form the biggest guitar in the universe. The other half formed the second biggest boner in the universe. Then the huge guitar pointed right at the pirate, who was like “Holy CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!” Before the pirate could even do anything, the super boner slapped against the guitar making the hugest wail ever to happen anywhere ever. The pirate exploded so hard that every single one of his kids he would have had exploded and all of his grandparents exploded along with his neighbors and people who he merely said “hello” to.

Then there was this huge concert at the castle. All the babes in the castle morphed into this humongous female crotch. The huge boner and crotch porked softly, while slamming into the guitar and wailing. And guess what, the king sat on top of this huge pile of gold and babes and laughed his frigg’n ass off about how stupid the pirates were.


-this script is so hot it could make Janet Reno open up a paint can with her ding dong."


Anonymous Anonymous undoubtedly said...

You're so lame. What kind of person copys and pastes? I bet you eat paste. Don't waste my time with something I could go to a website for. Come up with something new and stop being a bitch.

3:00 PM  
Blogger Casey undoubtedly said...

Goodness gracious! People hate me!

5:30 PM  
Blogger Kate undoubtedly said...

Fuckin rights. My ex used to always read me shit from that site. I didn't find it funny at first, but I think it grows on you. I think it's hilarious now.

4:43 AM  

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In the year 2006 I resolve to:
Blame Canada.