Thursday, May 4

Top Reasons I am Awesome:1.) Because2.) Shut up3.) I don't have to explain myself to you.So, I was at Alfred from Friday to Tuesday. It was hot dog weekend so drinking was prominent throughout the community. I didn't have much to drink though, not that people believed me. I remained sober so as to pick on drunks. AJ didn't have a cigarette so he wanted to fight someone. I was like, "Okay, let's go." After I beat his ass the first two rounds he became very apologetic for "underestimating" me, yet grew internally angry. I was slightly afraid of how pissed off he was that I was kicking his ass. Round three was actually close, but I decided to tap out when he got ahold of my neck and told me he could break it. I didn't know we were going all out, wtf? I was fighting so as to not cause death, just pain. Whatever. In the end, he complained for the rest of the night because he had rug burns all over him from head to toe and some bruises, while I went unscathed. I am always underestimated. In the end, it was too tiring to continue so we celebrated with waffles and beer.Josh and Dustin's friend Jeremiah (Jerry) came up too. He's an amazing musician and a good guy so that was fun. He played his guitar, god-like, but he also is proficient at drums, piano and the trumpet. It was sweet just chilling in their apartment having him perform for us any song we wanted. It was our own little concert for free. Jerry is seriously great. And when I say great, I mean awesome.Josh ended up having a terrible weekend. The following is an unbiased explanation:The girl he's been pursuing for the last six months kept giving him I-don't-knows to his askings out, then just started dating his friend (we'll call him Fucktard) Friday. What a slap. I don't know if it's the indirectness or what that's most bothersome. If she had said, "I'm never going to date you" plainly, that would be fine. But leading someone on blows. Then there's the fact that Fucktard totally ignored Josh when he clearly knew Josh's feelings for her... Inconsiderate, bastardly, required beat-down material. The week before Josh had asked kindly if there was anything going on between those two to Fucktard, and Fucktard flipped out (now we know Josh's worries were justified). Then there's the fact that said girl's brother is Josh's best friend. The night they hooked up, her brother almost had to get hospitalized for overdrinking and the whole time Josh stayed at the apartment to look after him. Josh is a good guy: he means well and he'll take a bullet for you. It would be nice to know that the good guy got the girl for once. I think it has to do with being less aggressive. To get a girl, being their friend doesn't work. Girls are too dumb and they never consider dating you seriously. You have to be direct and forward, and you can't worry about stepping on other guys's toes to win her. Fuck that. (Mind you, my advice on how to get girls shouldn't be taken seriously as it has not been personally tested, but I still have my theories.)Everyone in that apartment has had a horrible year relationship-wise. It's drama. It's heartache. It's depression-inducing. It almost makes me feel good that I've avoided relationships. Even the few times I do get involved, it comes back to fuck with me.So one night, freshman year, I made out with some attractive girl visiting for the day. She wanted to have done more(me), but I didn't want a one-night-stand deal, so it ended at making out. I don't really know how I made it happen, but I suspect that my utter lack of sleep was responsible. Lack of sleep causes you to act drunk/not be your normal self. Said girl was here last weekend. Awkward moments like that suck. Except it wasn't too awkward, because she is a total horndog so she spent all her time trying to get various people to sleep with her, instead of talking to me. Should I mention that she is married and has a one-year-old and she's 18? Sure! That's a fun fact!I lost my motorcycle key. That was neat. I was stranded there an extra two days. Luckily, my dad had the key number so it was easy to make a new one. Were it not for that, I would still be in Alfred to this very day.The weekend was good. Not overwhelming, but good. I enjoy seeing my friends. The group really isn't the same without Bob, Derek and Christian. Mark and Nick live across campus. So the apartment is now Josh, Brian, Dustin, Dave, James and Killian. Honestly, it's just nowhere near as fun at Alfred as it once was, with Bob, Derek, Brian, Mark, Nick, Dustin, and Christian at Tefft.======================================================================================I'm tired.I'm supposedly driving my bike up the 7.5 hr drive to Vermont tomorrow. It's going to be cold, a long drive, and sucky. 7.5 hrs is way too long on a bike. My thoughts drive me crazy. I don't like to be stuck forced by myself for extended periods of time. I need music. In a car, it's totally different because it's relaxing, easy, and musically jammin'. On a bike it's windy, loud, and tiring. I mean, I'm all for riding on a warm, sunny day--but long road trips in the cold suck ass. The fact that I'm tired now and unexcited about going doesn't help either. I should be excited. Neal is as fun a person as anyone I know, but I'm not. It makes me feel bad inside. And I'll only see Caitlin for a day.Seriously, what the hellish waste am I doing? What I really want is to just sleep in tomorrow and relax, but there's a time pressure because Caitlin leaves Thursday and pretty soon school's over anyway. This would be far more rewarding if at the end of the road trip there was a cash prize. But I'm pretty sure there isn't. This only furthers my depression. I'm masochistic for my friends.=================================I think my self-esteem is bipolar. Sometimes, like now, I don't feel like I'm interesting at all and I don't understand why people are happy. Usually I repress this side and don't show it to anyone. I'd doubt if anyone knew how I was. One time I thought about buying "The Power of Positive Thinking," but then I thought, "what the hell good will that do?" Other times I'm hyper and giddy and silly and love being me and love other people. It's things like this that convince me my brain chemistry is retarded. Or maybe there's a shrunken leprechaun controlling my brain and he just likes to fuck with me. It should be one or the other. Not both.I'm fucking tired. Fuck this. I hope I feel better in the morning.As always, leave a comment if you like Ding-dongs,~Peace

Wednesday, May 3

Fuck this shit, I'm moving to ALASKA!

You heard right, bitches. Polar bear country, the North Pole, the Tundra...has anything ever called your name so strongly? Of course not! Everybody wants to live in Alaska, but I'm beating you all to it. Some girl called me up (because I gave her my number) and after I blew her away with my impressive-style interviewing skills for about an hour on the phone, she's goes off on a tangent complimenting me and all my answers and says she's just going to give me the opening (there were 2 left) because I'm such a cool guy. So I'm like, "Sure, whatever, toots." After I hear cheering in the background (I guess I was so cool they put me on speakerphone), we say our goodbyes and part ways.

So when do I leave, you ask? Later this month. Apparently they want me there like a hero. So my summer of college classes gets delayed until the fall, and instead of hanging out with all the cool people from high school, I'll be hanging out with Muskrats and Mooses.

I only work 4 days a week, with one day a week of "educational activities" such as white water rafting and parasailing. And I get 900 bucks a month, with food and housing paid. But really, there isn't housing. I sleep in tents and cabins. Woopty-friggin-do!

So yeah, I'll leave May 27th for Anchorage and won't return until October 31st. This means I'll have to get in some serious hanging-out time with all my friends returning from college in the next three weeks. This means YOU (providing you're my friend). Otherwise, bugger off stranger. I don't want no weirdos stalking me! Unless you're hot. I would also prefer it if you were female. Optimally, you should be a Chinese Immigrant. If this is the case, stalk me all you like. Unless I tell you to stop. But if you keep stalking me, I secretly won't mind, even though I might say otherwise. And if you tell all your hot college girl friends to stalk me, I wouldn't mind that either. Especially, if they are part ninja or part pirate. But don't do it if you don't want to. Seriously. I can do alright on my own.

Anyways, farewell assassins! Good luck finding me in Alaska! (It's the ultimate hideout).

Cpjunkie6: hey Roberto!
Cpjunkie6: what's goin on, buddy?
Cpjunkie6: i just got done with my shift

Robertotunison: yo
Robertotunison: who is this?
Cpjunkie6: um
Cpjunkie6: your worst enemy
Robertotunison: thats unfortunate
Cpjunkie6: yes
Cpjunkie6: yes it is
Cpjunkie6: who's the icon?
Robertotunison: me
Cpjunkie6: you think you're so cool with those aviators don't u?
Robertotunison: yeah, looking like lenny kravitz
Cpjunkie6: or...lenny from the Simpsons!
Robertotunison: ...
Robertotunison: yeah
Cpjunkie6: you're very agreeable tonight, aren't you?
Robertotunison: i suppose
Cpjunkie6: is something wrong?
Robertotunison: no
Cpjunkie6: did you eat a goldfish?
Robertotunison: god i wish
Cpjunkie6: did you see a rusty mailbox?
Robertotunison: but who is this?
Cpjunkie6: did your hat fall in the toilet?
Robertotunison: i recieved a rusty trombone
Cpjunkie6: oh no!
Cpjunkie6: i hate when that happens
Cpjunkie6: and it happens all the time
Cpjunkie6: did you receive it while assuming the position?
Cpjunkie6: you don't have to answer that
Robertotunison: hell yes i did
Robertotunison: but who is this
Cpjunkie6: you don't know
Robertotunison: like, how would i know you
Robertotunison: i really dont
Robertotunison: casey?
Cpjunkie6: haha
Cpjunkie6: quit reading the profile
Cpjunkie6: you're an astute learner
Cpjunkie6: props, man. props.
Robertotunison: but how do i know you?
Cpjunkie6: i used to live nearby
Robertotunison: is that so?
Cpjunkie6: and i would observe your behaviors with powerful binoculars
Cpjunkie6: and i was feeling chipper so i thought i'd give ya a ring
Cpjunkie6: in IM form
Robertotunison: ah ha
Cpjunkie6: i hope you're not too busy
Robertotunison: nope
Cpjunkie6: b/c all i do is distract people
Robertotunison: not at all
Cpjunkie6: good
Robertotunison: ehhh, i need to leave
Cpjunkie6: mooooo!
Cpjunkie6: i mean, nooooo!
Robertotunison: but seriously, how are we related?
Cpjunkie6: not by blood
Cpjunkie6: trust me
Cpjunkie6: i would know

Robertotunison: as i know
Cpjunkie6: we can talk again sometime
Cpjunkie6: when i'm feeling equally mysterious
Cpjunkie6: or on a whim
Cpjunkie6: or when i'm drunk
Cpjunkie6: anyways, you should probably get back to your Cartoon Network
Robertotunison: hah
Cpjunkie6: later dude
Robertotunison: or my gov
Cpjunkie6: gov sucks
Cpjunkie6: when are your finals?
Robertotunison: dont play this shit, i need to know who you are
Robertotunison: tuesday
Cpjunkie6: cool
Robertotunison: i have a com136 exam tomorroa
Cpjunkie6: you can celebrate at Ruby Tuesdays
Cpjunkie6: eww

Robertotunison: an i had a calc exam tomorrow
Cpjunkie6: you had it tomorrow?
Cpjunkie6: interesting
Robertotunison: i had it today
Robertotunison: silence
Cpjunkie6: never!
Cpjunkie6: i work on a symbiotic verbalist relationship
Robertotunison: is that so, i work on logos based relationships
Robertotunison: so, what is your relation to me
Cpjunkie6: i'm more of a Legos person
Robertotunison: hmm, how unfortunate
Cpjunkie6: i have no relationship to you
Cpjunkie6: although we probably have stuff in common
Robertotunison: no, but there is a relation, one that is prompted by you instant messaging me
Cpjunkie6: like, I ate a hamburger once
Robertotunison: one that is based on my ignorance of who you are
Cpjunkie6: hamburgers are delicious
Cpjunkie6: i would eat one now, but i'm full of ravioli
Cpjunkie6: if you find out who i am, will you stop talking to me?

Robertotunison: hah
Robertotunison: maybe
Cpjunkie6: b/c seriously, I need a break
Robertotunison: yeah, i seriously need to leave
Cpjunkie6: Tom&Jerry will do that to a man
Robertotunison: hah
Robertotunison: hells ya
Robertotunison: frisbee?
Robertotunison: drmcninja?
Cpjunkie6: i like frisbee
Robertotunison: myspace?
Cpjunkie6: ultimate frisbee
Robertotunison: yeah
Robertotunison: you play
Robertotunison: ?
Cpjunkie6: yeah
Robertotunison: is that how you know me?
Cpjunkie6: no
Robertotunison: damn
Cpjunkie6: Dr McNinja?
Cpjunkie6: is that a real doctor?
Cpjunkie6: sounds like a cool guy

Robertotunison: uhh, if thats how you knew me, you would know
Robertotunison: oh he is
Cpjunkie6: i wish i had a ninja for a doctor
Cpjunkie6: you're a clever clever guy
Cpjunkie6: just like my friend Ted
Robertotunison: you are a royal ass
Cpjunkie6: yeah, I'm familiar with the comic
Cpjunkie6: i'm just messin with you
Robertotunison: yeah
Cpjunkie6: i like to think that more parts of me are royal, not just my ass
Cpjunkie6: but thanks for noticing!

Robertotunison: yeah
Robertotunison: peace
Cpjunkie6: peace
Robertotunison is away at 1:05:53 PM.

If you're wondering, no I don't have any idea who this guy is. I was bored. And yes, he was correct in guessing I found his screen name from Dr. McNinja. Props to him! Somehow, Roberto kept his temper and stayed classy--how unfortunate. Anywho, I'm out.


Monday, May 1

I bring good news!

wait...wait, wait, wait...

Okay, I was lying.

~the incarnation of jazz

In the year 2006 I resolve to:
Blame Canada.