I had a dream last night where I was just sitting at a table in the library next to Angelina Jolie and two children. AJ and I were having a conversation, and the two children (girls about 11) were talking about kissing people with alcohol breath or something. After a while, I wasn't paying attention to the kids, and they just start booing incessantly, for no apparent reason. Then I look up and see Brian Long walking by. He doesn't notice, so I start booing directly at him. Then he turns, sees us, and joins in with the booing. (We aren't booing angrily, we're just doing it for kicks.) Then we all stop booing simultaneously, and he says "what's up guys?" in his really cheery/goofy Brian J. Long voice. Then, all I can think of is him doing Beaker impressions. Then I think, "I wish I had seen the Muppets from Space Movie."

Besides being jealous that Brian got to dish out the humor in my dream in his brief appearance, I noticed I was dreaming involving a celebrity. Besides Jackie Chan, Angelina Jolie is the only celeb to have entered my dreams that I can recall, and I have a pretty good recollection of my dreams. So while I'm a little concerned that Hollywood is making its appearance inside my subconscious, I'm a bit relieved that at least it was cool people. Jackie Chan is totally cool. Angelina is cool because although she makes 30 million a year, she uses her power to fight for something she believes in: children's starvation or AIDS. Also, she captured Brad's heart, and I think that's a feat we all wish we were capable of.

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I was walking around in Lowe's today thinking how much I love shopping for toilet seat covers. When I look at one, the thing that comes to my head is, "now THIS would be a good product to shit on." Looking for products to take a dump on is fun!

I'm off to Alfred tomorrow where I'll be until the weekend or whenever James feels like returning me. It should be a good time. I feel like binge food shopping for needless things like cakes and raw cookie dough to munch on. James is the only person I know who I'll visit, see a cake lying around and ask, "what's the occasion?" He replies, "Why would there be an occasion? You mean because of the cake? You don't need a reason to have cake!!" The American mindset is that cakes are for celebrating birthdays or something festive. James just likes cake. And he eats it every day. I find that admirable.

On the down side, I got a "you suck" talk from keith, a text from Derek and an IM from Sully asking if I'll be at the party, for keith's parents are constantly in Mexico, probably recruiting for their landscaping business (though they deny this). For once I'm actually too cool for them. I mean, I love socializing and/or being drunk around those guys, but I think Alfred will be more fun. It's just too bad I can't do both.
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By the way, a passing grade for restaurant inspection is a minimum of 85. One of our Tim Horton's in Canandaigua got a 69 last week. I guess they were hoping George W. would stop by there yesterday during his visit, which he didn't. He was too preoccupied with telling people at The Pines (our upscale/millionaire retirement homes) about Medicare, which they were all too rich to take interest in, or with hugging J-Mac, a local autistic kid getting a movie deal because he scored 20pts in 4 minutes in the only 4 minutes he ever played. He never made the basketball team so he only got playing time because of pity. (Pity is the same reason I got playing time on varsity soccer though, so I guess I shouldn't be too bitter.) Asha told me this, but I ate there again today anyway.

Moral of the story: if I die, blame Canada.

~Peace

I am not wise for I am far too young, but I do think more frequently than the average hamster. Maybe when I'm 60 I'll be able to dish out advice like attitude adjustments from Hulk Hogan. Until then, here are some common sense thoughts I've come up with and for you to think about:

1.)Wealthy people are polite because they're rich.

2.)People lie because they don't like the truth.

3.)If you're looking for something, it's easier to find it.

4.)Bean curd pie is delicious!! Actually, it's awful. I just said that so some totally ADD person would stop midsentence, bake himself a bean curd pie and eat it.

5.)When you forget you're looking for something, you're surprised when you find it.

6.)Happiness comes in ounces; pain comes in pounds.

7.)Look at yourself in the mirror often to make sure you are who you think you are, because sometimes you aren't.

8.)Sometimes it's not good to walk a mile in someone's shoes: I did that once and I totally destroyed a midget's shoes.

9.)Once, a guy created a cream called "Anti-bitch cream." However, it failed to reach market because the man's wife started yelling at him.

10.)If you strap a laser to the front of your car, you can aim better at the people you are running over.

11.)Whenever you start thinking you're high and mighty, just remember you started off as a squirt. All it takes to end you is a squirt...of hydrochloric acid.

12.)The key to understanding a person is to understand their memories.

13.)Have you ever tried to rank yourself, and things around you, as part of the world's population?

14.)Bright clear skies are most deceiving. Some exist merely for shock value.

15.)People thrive on routines in life because routines comfort us.

16.)Good looks are too often wasted on ugly people.

17.)Daytime TV is incentive to get a job. Or to get cable.

18.)The real world is a figment of our lack of imagination.

19.)If you're unhappy, the good news is you can always change your mind.

20.)Exercise would appeal to us more if we were crippled.

21.)The path less traveled is usually chosen when lost.

22.)A penny saved is a penny...who cares about pennies these days? But, I think the old phrase was something like: a penny saved is a penny you don't have to earn.

23.)If you think the world makes sense, consider this: we need a license to fish, but any old schmuck can have a baby.

24.)Don't put off 'till later what you can put off 'till much later.

25.)The British are a ridiculous race of which there are no winners.

26.)Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting because hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

27.)Sometimes there is nothing so funny as a joke. If you are the joke, at least you're funny. If you are the joke because you take yourself too seriously, being conceited is being topical.

comments are always welcome like rich men to a strip club,
~Peace

P.S.
bean. curd. pie?? Seriously. WTF?!