Thursday, February 23

Am I cool or uncool?
You are a Square!
You are a total dork. The pocket protecter and thick-lensed glasses give it away. Try watching some popular TV.. Get yourself some fashion sense already! On the plus side, no wait hang on, there is no plus side! Nerdsville, population YOU!

I was like, "No way, this cannot be." I figured this test made a mistake so I took it again and yup, guess what...

You are SUPER-COOL! Aces!

Am I cool or uncool?
You are Super-Cool!
Woah! Step back - the future's so bright for you it's blinding me! You are the coolest of the cool. Everyone looks up to you as the benchmark for being coooool. The fonze was your grandfather! You drive a ragtop mustang in the summertime. All the good ladies know your name. You don't need a pickup line, just the pickup truck. You're so cool it's chilly in here. I wish I was you!

This only verifies what we already knew was true: quizzes sometimes make errors. I have to say, the person who created this quiz is definitely a nerd. Look at the words he wrote to describe someone cool: "the fonze was your grandfather"??! The fonze is not cool. "You're so cool it's chilly in here"??! That is the lamest line. It's even lamer seeing it on print than when that girl at the club said it to me. Oh well.

Tuesday, February 21

You Are 21 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. Also, you like candy and Sponge Bob Squarepants.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world, like Indiana Jones at a rock concert.

20-29: You are a twenty something at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. Not drugs though: DARE taught you lessons.

30-39: You are a thirty something at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! You want to fight Mike Tyson!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already, like a drunken night with a hot chick. Now you get to sit back and nap it off.

It says I'm 21, which would be cool because then I wouldn't have to ask other people to buy me alcohol. I say if you're taking a quiz to find out your age, you automatically subtract two years.

I stole this link from Kate but I thought I'd elaborate upon my strong opinion of quizzes. They're like horoscopes to me, or the fortune cookies that actually have fortunes on them. They only mean something if you believe in them. People who take these things seriously get me bloody mad (I just wanted to use a British word--to make a point on how silly it is). People need to realize they're for entertainment purposes only. If your horoscope reads, "steer clear of Geminis" and especially if you're a girl, don't believe it, don't follow it, and don't change your life in any way because of stupid superstitions. Cancer on the other hand, is a good one to avoid.

A good motto to live by: "avoid death at all costs."

I feel like baking myself a sheet cake,

Monday, February 20

I love quotes. I love reading a lifetime of pain and learning summed up in a single statement--a single piece of advice. When I'm reading a quote, I immediately know it's good if it means something to me. My heart feels different as I acknowledge my acceptance of what was said. I don't go based on who wrote it, for even a Nobody can say something meaningful. That being said, I recommend you read up on some quotes. Not that randomly saying them out of context is cool, but if applicable, they can be quite handy.

Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything's different.
~Bill Watterson
Are you or someone you know on fire? Being on fire is a serious problem and needs to be dealt with immediately.

Here are some steps you can follow to avoid being on fire:

1.) Don’t douse yourself in flammable liquids.
2.) If you must disobey rule number one, avoid lighters, fireworks, and other places where fire may occur.
3.) Alcohol and drunken friends can lead to problems with fire. Keep contact with pyros to a minimum.

If you find yourself on fire, follow these steps:

1.) Tell someone you are on fire.
2.) Don’t panic!! Panicking will make others panic as well, and then they won’t react properly.
3.) Look around for a fire extinguisher, or if one is not nearby, dial 911.
4.) Wait patiently while help arrives and try not to get pessimistic about your situation. We all have our problems to deal with.

Hopefully, you will never catch fire, but if you do, maybe now you’ll be more prepared with what to do.


When I was in Buffalo, I ran off a few of these flyers and posted them around my building and around the dorms. The fire safety flyers they had there were really dumb, so I mocked them. It was even all jazzy and professional-looking. Props to me. Props for free.

Sunday, February 19

I'm happy. Happy and hungry, but first: happy.

I'm happy because I had a "philosophical" argument with a little girl and won. Also, I beat her in a staring contest (cheating or no, I still won). I am an uber champion.

Today, I felt like Calvin's dad. I told children of ages 7 and 9 things that are not true. Example:

They wanted to go hiking in 10 degree weather and I did not. I told them I was afraid of the bears. Disregarding that they hibernate, I gave them my tips for fighting off a bear, as I have done many times. Then, I moved on to coyote's (disregarding that they're nocturnal). The thing about coyotes is that they have low self esteem. If a coyote approaches you, you want to make fun of it and make it feel like it does not fit in. If you do this, it will go away and later cry into the night.

These particular children were fun because I could beat them in everything. Unlike, bigger, smarter children, this variety could not beat me in wrestling, football, singing, knowledge of facts, dishwashing, or boxing (I box children like a pro). Also, they believe stuff you tell thim simply on the basis that you're bigger than them. I told these children I was 30 and they weren't sure. I told them what year I was born, and still...uncertainty about this 30. I particularly liked when the girl of nine got a piece of paper and wrote 1986 and 2006 and proceeded to add them. (If you are unsure, you're supposed to subtract to get the approximate age.)

My favorite quote was "your head is filled with nonsense. Nothing but nonsense. You're weird and you don't make any sense." or possibly (upon elaberately explaining the existence of Fahrenheit, Celsius, and Kelvin scales) "Huh? What's...Celsius?" in the most puzzled disbelief I've ever seen.

Children are impressionable, and I enjoy both toying with their feeble minds and exercising my superiority in games and challenges of all types.

I got to thinking...

When you lose a limb or digit through amputation, it still feels like it's there. The brain doesn't recognize that there has been an amputation. The feels-like-it's-still-there amputated finger or whatever, is called a phantom.

What would happen if a laid back guy had his pointer finger removed? He might go on giving people the finger, when all he wants is to show peace.

I thought this was cool, but probably only because I'm a pro-gamer. Lil poison is seriously the cutest kid, and he plays Halo2. Kid, you had me at "Halo." I went down and saw him in Philly last summer and he really is rockin' solid, one of the best in the world, not to mention he went pro at age five. He's a genius for his age. There's some controversy over him playing, being young and competitive and playing an NC-17 game, but I think he's fine.

Anyways, keep up the pace.

In the year 2006 I resolve to:
Blame Canada.